____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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