I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My balls are so social today.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
