Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
