HIV tests are more positive than that guy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
