I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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