I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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