I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
