just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
