When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
