to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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