I bet he comes in French.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
