Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Send help, water and tortillas.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
