im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
