Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
