i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
