so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
