Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
