Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
