Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
