I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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