I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
