so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
