you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
