He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
