Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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