If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
