Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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