I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize