so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
