You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
