well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize