I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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