do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
