If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
