You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
