great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
