Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
