why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He better not be in your backpack
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize