You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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