I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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