he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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