Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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