FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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