Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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