i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never underestimate the power of titties
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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