It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
