The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
