All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
