I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
