i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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