God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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