You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
