her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize