Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
