nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
