He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
