Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i will never coherently bang her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
