I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize