I must be too annoying 4 u.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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