You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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