after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize