Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are we still banned from the library?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
