Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
