FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
