Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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