I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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