why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
