When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
