That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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