My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i can't believe i had my finger in that
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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