im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You pole danced in your parka.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize