I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
